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The First Hurt
“The neglected child”, a phrase often used as a joke, but for the one living through it, the impact is lifelong. What begins as favoritism or comparison in childhood becomes an invisible wound carried into adulthood shaping relationships, careers, and even future generations.
Psychology shows us that when emotions are suppressed, they don’t vanish, they wait. A child who grows up feeling unseen learns to bury anger, sadness, and fear, until one triggering event unleashes them all at once.
What looks like overreaction in adulthood is often the eruption of years of silent suffering or pretending to be okay.
Parents often unknowingly become a child’s first emotional abusers when they withhold love, treat one child better than the other , or make affection conditional.
A child’s brain records these experiences as truths “I must earn love,” or “I’m not enough.”
This emotional wiring leads to trauma responses such as:
Anger as a shield,
Fear of abandonment as constant anxiety, and Subservience as people-pleasing to secure approval.
The tragedy is that neglect rarely ends with one child, it spills over, creating patterns that echo through generations.
Allah commands us to treat everyone with fairness and justice, without showing bias in relationships.
Eventually, the child who grows to learn to align their emotions and become a better version of themselves by forgiving the parent can break the cycle of pain and nurture healthier generations.
