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The Silent Emotional Gap
In many households, boys grow up with little or no exposure to emotional intelligence. My story begins with a boy who lost his father young and was raised by a mother hardened by struggle. She provided tirelessly but, over time, her tenderness was muted by survival. Surrounded only by brothers and attending an all-boys school, the boy grew up with little understanding of emotions beyond discipline and duty. His emotional vocabulary remained silent.
This silence is common in cultures where sons are taught resilience but not vulnerability. They learn to solve problems, excel in studies, and show toughness, but they are rarely taught how to listen with empathy or express affection. Later, when these boys grow into men and step into marriage, they often face a painful clash. Their wives—longing for love, gentleness, and emotional reassurance—find themselves met with silence. The husband, on the other hand, does not even realize the wound his quietness inflicts. Many such men, uncomfortable in emotional spaces, spend more time outside with friends, while their wives are left alone at home in emotional isolation.
The Seerah of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ offers a strikingly different model. Despite immense responsibilities as a leader, he expressed love in simple, tender gestures. With Aisha (RA), he would drink from the very spot of the cup where she had placed her lips (Muslim). To her, this was not trivial—it was love made visible, a reminder that true strength includes tenderness.
Reflection: Affection doesn’t always require grand gestures. Even small acts of gentleness can bridge emotional gaps and bring warmth to relationships.
“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy.” (Qur’an 30:21)
