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The Hidden Cost of Instant Gratification in Parenting
We live in a culture that doesn’t like to wait. Children struggle with patience, and if we are honest, parents do too. Quick answers, fast fixes, instant comfort... this has quietly become our normal.
We don’t like to wait. Not as adults… and definitely not as parents.
We do it out of love. But maybe—just maybe—we’re loving them too quickly.
But rushing to soothe every cry, fill every gap, and erase every boredom may be costing our children something bigger: the ability to develop resilience, patience, and emotional strength.
“Indeed, man was created anxious. When hardship touches him, he is impatient. And when ease comes, he holds back.”
(Surah Al-Ma’arij, 70:19–21)
Patience is not built in a single day. It takes presence, guidance, and consistency.
When I think about how our parents raised us, I remember that life had its pace. I don’t remember getting everything I wanted as a child, but I do remember learning how to wait or adjust, how to share and to be okay with less. Those moments shaped how we related to people and handled life. That’s where patience came from and we learnt the difference between “needs” and “wants”.
Now, many parents try to give their children everything. Maybe out of love or maybe out of guilt. And we do give a lot, more than what we had, but sometimes we forget what we lost along the way. We lost silent lessons. We lost the strength that comes from hearing “no” and learning how to live with it. We’ve taken away the small struggles that would teach our boys and girls patience, strength, and how to get along.
As Shujath Hussain writes in Forever Grateful, “Parents are the roots that give us wings to fly.” Wings need roots to stay steady. Without values to anchor them, children may fly high but lose balance when life gets tough.
Instant gratification = “I want it now.”
(Baumeister & Tierney call it “the refusal to endure short-term discomfort for long-term benefit.”)
Entitlement = “I deserve it—even if I didn’t earn it.”
(Dr. John Townsend defines it as expecting rewards without effort.)
Psychologists describe instant gratification as the unwillingness to endure short-term discomfort for long-term benefit. Entitlement is the belief that we deserve privileges without earning them, as Dr. John Townsend explains in Boundaries with Kids.
When children grow up with both, they often:
Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence, shows how the ability to wait can transform a child’s future. You’ve likely heard of the Marshmallow Test:
A child is offered one marshmallow. If they wait 15 minutes without eating it, they get a second. Some waited. Some didn’t. Children who can delay gratification and develop self-regulation grow up with better emotional balance. When children learn to delay gratification, they are also learning self-awareness by noticing their impulses and how to manage them. Over time, they build intrinsic motivation, the drive to grow through effort rather than chase quick rewards.
I see children who get restless after only a few quiet minutes. I see siblings who hardly speak. I see teenagers who want to be heard but don’t know how to listen.
Now? Many kids are alone together—physically present, but mentally lost behind separate screens.
They’re not bad kids. They’re under-practiced—in patience, empathy, and presence.
In the past, patience was part of daily life. We shared rooms, ate together, played outside, and had chores that demanded cooperation. Now, much of that has been replaced with hours spent alone behind screens. Without practice, patience and empathy slowly weaken.
True parenting is not about controlling every outcome. It is about guiding with ḥikmah, wisdom that balances firmness with mercy.
The Qur’an tells us about Luqmaan (RA), who advised his son with reminders of faith, patience, and humility (Surah Luqmaan, 31:12–19).
This model teaches us that wisdom in parenting lies in timing our words, understanding the child’s temperament, and leading by example. Wisdom is not about doing everything for our children; it’s about knowing when to step in and when to step back, so they can learn to rise on their own.
Here are a few practices that made a difference in my home:
We’re not just raising children.
We’re raising future spouses, teachers, leaders, neighbors, and believers.
And the world doesn’t need more kids who get everything they want.
It needs kids who can wait, who can listen, who can love deeply—even when it’s inconvenient.
So let’s slow down.
Let’s say “no” with love.
Let’s give them space to struggle and grow.
May Allah help us raise children who remain calm in hardship, steady in confusion, and strong in faith. Ameen.
Have thoughts to share? What helps you nurture patience at home?
