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We often use the word trauma. This concept is not new to us, yet somewhere we misunderstand it. We usually think that trauma means a big or tragic event such as a natural disaster, war, accident, or major loss. In reality, even small and repeated painful experiences can also become trauma, especially if they occur during childhood.
The real impact of trauma depends on how the brain felt and processed the event, not on how big the event was. Small but repetitive things such as emotional neglect, constant criticism, lack of love, abusive parents, or rejection can become part of complex trauma. According to Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey, “It’s not what happened to you, but what happened inside you as a result of what happened to you.”
Ali’s parents both had jobs and could not give him enough time. In the evenings, when they were together, they often shouted at each other. Ali would get scared and hide somewhere. He grew up under the care of different caregivers, which was difficult for a small child. When a child does not receive consistent love, attention, or emotional safety during childhood, he fails to develop secure attachment. Such children do not easily trust others and fear being hurt or abandoned. As a result, they stay away from friendships or form only superficial relationships.
Dr. Bruce Perry says, “A child who has been hurt in relationships will fear relationships.”
We become judgmental very easily. We say things like, “What is wrong with you?” without knowing the root cause. We are looking at the picture upside down, through a lens of unawareness and lack of empathy. If we asked instead, “What happened to this person?” we might reach the solution. Half of the solution lies in understanding the problem.
Childhood experiences leave powerful and deep marks that shape our entire life. Our personal history, the people who were around us in childhood, and the places where we played all combine to shape our brain. That is why every human brain is unique. A young child absorbs a large amount of data from family, community, and culture. All these elements together form our way of seeing the world, which is called our worldview. When we form a quick positive impression such as “This person seems so nice,” or a negative one like “This person is bad,” without any clear reason, it is because some old memory from childhood is triggered. That memory may have been positive or negative, but it quietly influences how we see people today.
Neurological impact of trauma on a child:
Now we have a brief understanding of what happens inside a child’s brain during a traumatic event. Sara was eight years old. She lived in constant fear of her father’s anger. Even small mistakes, like forgetting her homework, breaking a glass, or being playful, led to punishment. Before being hit, her body would start trembling with fear. Over time, her brain adapted to stay on high alert all the time. Her amygdala, the part of the brain that detects danger and controls fear and emotions, became overactive, constantly signaling threat. Her hippocampus, responsible for memory and learning, struggled to function properly. Her cortex, the thinking part of the brain that manages reasoning and control, weakened as her mind remained trapped in survival mode. Only by understanding “what happened to us” can break the cycle and shape a healthier future.
