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The Intelligence in Marriage: The idea of bringing up this topic is to rethink our priorities that we have set regarding marriage as the end goal of life and to notice that intentionally or unintentionally it has become the purpose that we are doing everything since we have entered teens to make us capable of marriage one day.
Intelligence:
Let’s begin with the definition of intelligence David Wechsler described intelligence as the global capacity to act purposefully, think rationally, and deal effectively with the environment. Intelligence is not just about being “smart” in school—it is about understanding, adapting, solving problems, and contributing meaningfully to the world around us.
Importance of Marriage:
Marriage is important as it serve social, emotional and psychological needs. As per attachment theory, psychologist believes that secure marriages lead to better emotional regulation and trust. Abraham Maslow an American psychologist stated that -Healthy relationships support self-actualization (becoming your best self). Marriage is not automatically beneficial. Psychologists strongly emphasize: A healthy marriage has positive impact, and a toxic or conflict-filled marriage generates stress, anxiety, and harm. So, the importance of marriage depends on quality, not just the institution itself.
Marriage in the light of Islam:
In Islam, marriage (Nikāh) is a sacred contract and a moral commitment between a man and a woman, established to build a peaceful, loving, and responsible family life within the guidance of Allah.
The Qur’an presents marriage not just as a legal bond, but as a spiritual and emotional partnership.
Allah says:
And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.
— Surah Ar-Rum 30:21
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“When a person marries, he has completed half of his religion…”
— Sunan al-Bayhaqi Hadith on marriage completing half faith
Islam defines marriage as a sacred bond built on mutual care, faith, mercy and love aimed to create a peaceful life and a strong society.
The Sahabah didn’t just stay married—they lived marriage with character, balance, and sincerity. Umar ibn Al-Khattab known for strength, yet at home he showed patience and tolerance. He said: “A man should be like a child with his family (gentle), but firm when needed outside.”
Strength in character does not mean harshness at home.
Why it’s important in early years:
Early marriage among youth can support intellectual development by minimizing distractions that may arise from impermissible relationships during crucial formative years. When marriage is delayed and treated as a milestone to be achieved only after completing education, it can itself become a source of distraction, potentially affecting academic focus and performance in university settings.
Research suggests that unstructured romantic involvement during student years can create cognitive and emotional distractions, potentially affecting academic performance. In contrast, stable and committed relationships such as marriage may provide emotional regulation, reduce risky behaviours, and support mental well-being, which can enhance focus and long-term productivity.
Additionally, marrying earlier aligns with natural biological rhythms, enabling individuals to channel their energy toward more meaningful long-term goals, rather than becoming preoccupied with societal expectations that encourage postponing marriage until much later in life. Studies on marriage shows that Married young adults report lower levels of risky behaviours and higher life satisfaction.
Why youth consider marriage a purpose:
Marriage starts to look like, a safe anchor, a source of emotional security and identity for Young people today due to academic pressure ,career uncertainty and social comparison. Psychology and biology both play a role:Abraham Maslow places love and belonging as a core human need. In youth (especially late teens–20s):People are asking: “Who am I?” and “Where do I belong?” Marriage can appear as ‘A ready-made identity (spouse, parent, family role).
Societal Difficulties in marriage:
Society encourages desire for marriage but also makes it harder to achieve due to unrealistic financial expectations such as expensive weddings, high mahr/dowry demands, pressure to “be settled” (house, car, savings first) which increases stress and youth delaying it unnecessarily. People have set unrealistic standards, dissatisfaction with simple proposals, fear of “settling” due to social media. Youth today are stuck between two forces: Internal force which demands emotional need, biological drive desire for stability vs External Pressure involving around financial barriers, social expectations, fear and comparison. Youth are turning marriage into a “purpose” because they are seeking stability and meaning, while society simultaneously raises the barriers so high that it becomes difficult to achieve.
Marriage is not a purpose:
Marriage is important—but calling it a “life purpose” is a misunderstanding. A clear way to see this is to separate means vs. ends.
Abraham Maslow explains: Love and belonging (marriage) is a mid-level human need
Above it is Esteem and Self-actualization (purpose, contribution, meaning).Marriage fulfils a need, not the highest purpose.
Your purpose is to live a meaningful, God-conscious life—and marriage is one of the ways that can help you do that, not the end goal itself.
Allah clearly defines the purpose of human life:
“I did not create jinn and mankind except to worship Me.”
— Surah Adh-Dhariyat 51:56
Life’s purpose in Islam is to live in conscious submission to Allah in every aspect of life.
Conclusion:
It is therefore essential to place marriage in its proper perspective: not as the ultimate purpose of life, but as a means that can support one’s broader journey. When aligned with faith, self-awareness, and realistic expectations, marriage can complement personal growth rather than replace it. True success lies in fulfilling one’s higher purpose—living a conscious, meaningful life devoted to growth, contribution, and spiritual fulfilment—while allowing marriage to be a supportive part of that journey, not its destination.
Hafsa Mehboob
